The Snow

This is how deep our snow is!!!!!

Chuck loves to lay in it!

This is the window I look out of when I study :)

mini vaca

I've skipped school all week. It's like I'm on vacation. I've been spending my time in the library at Hope College and am there (here) right at this moment.

The reason I decided to post is that the guy on the computer next to me walked away from the desk for a brief moment and left a big ol' pile of GUMMY BEARS just sitting there. One of the bears just sat up and looked over at me and smiled. I don't know what that means, but I'm assuming that it means I should casually reach over and snag one for my own delicious enjoyment.

Oh wait, he just came back. My window of opportunity has just closed.

I must explain why I've skipped school all week. It has been snowing and snowing and snowing and more snow has still fallen... and it is cold, cold, cold!!! So the roads have been crap to drive on and my commute turned into a death trap, so I've stayed back. I like it better this way. I've sent my assignments in electronically and haven't wasted five and a half hours of time in the car.

I'd better get back to my big stack of flashcards! btw, I heart gummy bears!

To Forge Ahead Is To... forge ahead.

it is snowing. but despite the cold white weather, i am in a positive, motivated, don't ph*ck with me kind of mood. i feel powerful and steadfast. i finished my assignments late and am a titch behind, but i have much on my list of "gonna get done" and am bound and determined to just work all day. i'm burning closing the biochem book for now and turning to more interesting matters of a 30 y.o. female with chronic pancreatitis secondary to chronic alchoholism. armed with my MNT text and the www, i should be able to make some progress and outline questions for tomorrow if i get stumped.

it is amazing how a night of almost uninterrupted sleep can put you back on the "forging ahead" train!

last night i was full of bad words and curses toward my never present, biochem prof.

today, the sun came up (i know this because we aren't all dead) and i am feeling a bit of hope... a small light at the end of the tunnel that beckons me to move past my troubled mind and forward toward my dreams.

the computer/twin bed room where i sit is surprisingly warm despite the mounds of snow sitting on the rooftop two feet away, just on the other side of the window. the dogs are quiet and calm, only because they can feel the calm-assertive energy of their packleader as she pecks away and flips pages, as if she knows exactly what it is she is doing.

last night i was troubled and tense, ready to give it all up for a life on the streets a career as a server.

today i am relaxed and determined, ready to tackle tasks that will get me closer to my fancied career as an R.D.

i will use caffeine to guide me, and to create synapses between my neurons that wouldn't otherwise fire.

i will accomplish today.

Hump Day

Happy Hump day everyone!

Question: Are you supposed to be able to tell if yogurt has gone bad by the taste of it?

I just ate some yogurt and after eating ALL OF IT, I noticed on the foil lid that there is some possible mold. But the yogurt tasted fine... not good, just fine. You see, I'm not a big fan of yogurt and I only eat it for the health of it, but its' sour taste didn't seem any different today than it has in the past. So, I'm just wondering if I ate bad yogurt.

So, this past Saturday was a BAD day. I think it came straight outta hell and crept into my life and sat down to watch the show, starring me. It all started when I broke open the Biochem book and started reading Chapter 2. It is an online class and so I am left to teach myself the material... bad idea. Why, oh why, when I've struggled so much in the past with chemistry did I take such a difficult class online?! There is talk of a study group forming, so I guess there is hope yet. But this past Saturday was awful! I couldn't figure out how to do logarithms on my $12 calculator, the book did a poor job explaining H+ concentrations, and since it is a higher level class, the text assumes that you know certain things and so doesn't lend itself to being a reference book to look up basic concepts. Ugh. Four hours into it I wanted to take my mug of coffee and throw it through the window. I finally decided to go home and breathe a little before getting back into it again. But even after diving back in, I still got more and more frustrated and started thinking things like, "maybe school isn't for you, Rene'", and "perhaps your brain isn't equiped for this science stuff", and "you'll feel much better if you eat some gummy candy". YOU try studying over those voices in your head! It isn't easy.
BTK recognized my frustrations and said what he could to encourage me and calm me down and even asked if he could help me with anything (he's spent many hours with me in the past with dreaded chem), but in the end I just decided I'd better close up shop for the night and join him over at our friends place for dinner. But only after he brought me these loverly flowers :)

My dear sweet groom knows what I love. But I was still pissed off the rest of the night.

On Monday, I ran into my dear friend Abbey who brought me these, straight from Ireland:

They are so deliciously different than any other gummy candy! And, upon her rec, I put them in the freezer and they are most wonderful that way! We've only been getting to know each other a short time, but the girl already knows the way into my heart :) I'm a sucker for candy!

BTK is under the weather with a sore throat and congestion the past couple of days. Is it inevitable that I will catch it? I've been trying to avoid it as much as possible (separate towels, no kisses, keeping my distance), but it's kinda difficult when he's sneezing and coughing everywhere... it's just impossible to keep germs from floating in the air, you know?

I heard from my favorite cousin Cristina that my Unc has gifted me a large desk calendar and I must say that I am THRILLED and just can't wait to get my hands on it!!! Sounds crazy, I know, but I've always dreamed of having one of those to write all of my happenings, assignments, dates, etc on and I just think that it will do WONDERS for my organization and planning. Thank YOU, genrous joe!!

My mom is having a girls night party this weekend... I'll be sure to post pictures and such of the night soon after :)

Happy Hump Day!

They Just Keep Coming

Ever feel like the days just keep coming and you are here and you really don't know why and is it really worth it anyways cause you are getting nowhere and you have this overwhelming feeling of "I WANT OUT!" and you aren't sure if it is cause you've been alone too long or if it's the emotional drone of Coldplay you are listening to or the fact that your work uniform requires you to sport a purple tshirt, or maybe, just maybe, by some miracle, it is "that time of the month"?

Yeah, I don't have those days either.

I wouldn't want to cause it sounds awful.

This is the type of material that BTK says to be careful about posting. Says people will worry or think that something is wrong.

Nothing is wrong. I'm just normal.

But it's just one of those days.

I have a nickname at work. They call me "panicky rene". It's funny cause it's true. You should see me some nights, running between my guests and the kitchen, flailing my hands in the air when other servers ask if I need help. It's quite a scene. And to think, they actually let me manage that place at one time. The restaurant business is not for me. But I do it cause it's fun. Even when the stress during the dinner rush takes hours off my life, it is fun.

So why, oh why, when I get that same panicky feeling at home, is it not fun? Or is it? I can't decide. I am leaving shortly for work, so perhaps I have conditioned myself to feel this way on days that I work. Maybe I'm just anticipating it happening, that feeling of "I'm so in the weeds, I might as well just stop and let it all run me over and put me out of my misery!"... even though when it's over we can laugh at how hard we were all spanked that night... or laugh at the fact that I was the only one with the deer in the headlights look, even though we weren't that busy (cause that is usually funny to the other servers).

I'm good at waiting tables, don't get me wrong. I just don't handle the stress as well as some.

I actually feel better just having posted this mess of thoughts. Thanks!

I think I'll head into work now :)

My Resolutions

okay people... here they are... almost all of them... in no particular order.

take better care of BTK (always room for improvement, right?)
be a better listener (i.e. actually remember important aspects of conversations)
make lists (i tend to forget my thoughts)
focus (work while at work, study when i'm supposed to be studying, etc.)
exercise discipline with dogs (i am determined to lead our pack!)
half carbs whole grains
practice forgiveness
think positive thoughts
floss nightly
stretch daily
study in the wee hours of the morning
write grandma letters
rec'd intake of water
productive thinking
practice yoga
keep up with emails
date night once every two weeks
meal planning
keep cars clean
take care of cuticles (stop biting!)
make it to church once in a while
be more financially responsible
volunteer with dietitian
help donka with garden
plant flowers in front of fence
water front lawn
keep a more organized home
drink more wine
get daily fruits/vegs
follow through
complement others more
cultivate contentment
keep sinks shiny ( i love shiny sinks!)
run!
productive car rides (five hours a week in the car... valuable time)
be on time
cook
be more considerate
feed my soul
procrastinate less

These are just a few of what i'll be striving for this new year. And yes, i know it's already January tenth. No, I don't believe it is too late to begin.

Love you too!

Wish me luck!

Resolutions, indeed.

So many ideas, so little time...

I bet there is no one out there who is still creating their "resolutions" lists...

I realized today that the list creating should be done and I should've already put my New Year's "Considerations" into play. Instead, I still have all these ideas galavanting around in my head thinking they have already reached their cozy destination in my gray matter. To this I say, "Listen up all you pretty ideas! It's time to put on your Sunday best and head out into the world to make something of yourselves!" And after saying this, I can picture all those pretty ideas looking startled and saying, "moi?, you want me to go out there, in that crazy world and actually do what I was thought up to do?" And I would reply with, "YES... gone are the days where i would only toy with great ideas... today is the day i will line you all up and give you a number, possibly ranking you in order of importance, and i will require that you begin!" (starting tomorrow)

I am such a procrastinator.

"You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." Martin Luther King, Jr.

Delivery

I snowblowed Donka's (super generous neighbor friend from Croatia) driveway yesterday morning.

The doorbell rang around 3pm.

It was Donka.

She brought me these.

She made them all by hand.

They are yummy :)

I took a self portrait this morning.

In a dirty mirror that is on the floor in a bedroom, perched against the wall, waiting to get hung.

I look my best at 7am.