Limbo

Had coffee with a dear friend today and on the way to meet her I thought, "i should've cancelled...I have nothing going on...nothing to say". And funny thing is, one of the first things she asked me was if I felt as though I were in this "waiting place". She hit the nail on the head. That is exactly how I feel. Like my life is in limbo and I'm just waiting for Him to pull the trigger on my uterus so that I can get on with things. Pregnancy is one month too long. Or perhaps He planned it this way in order for women to hear themselves say, "okay...I'm ready for this...let's do it already!". And I am ready for this...so let's just do it already.

I'm visiting the doc once a week now. He gave me a thorough checkin' two weeks ago, when he said I was dilated to a ONE, but from here on out he just waits for me to labor. No more thorough checkin'...just a weigh in, a tape measure, a doppler on my belly and a question/answer session.

So yeah, I'm just waitin'. And growin'. And peein'. A lot.

I also discussed an obvious point with my dear friend today. That point was that, one day, I am going to look back on all this TIME I have on my hands now and wish I had it back. I'm certainly taking it for granted and I'm totally willing to trade it for a baby in my hands. Strange. I should be taking my books and journals and music to coffee shops for dreaming time, writing time, ME time. I may just do that tomorrow. Or maybe I'll go into labor.

Only TIME will tell...

A Warming Post

We haven't turned on our heat yet. It is currently a chilly 57 degrees.

Some things I can do today to keep warm:

• Do housework (vacuuming, paint prep, clean laundry room)
• Drink hot tea and spill it in my lap
• Allow sunroom to heat up and then open door into house
• Drink Baileys and coffee
• Broil something and then leave oven door open to heat house
• Leave house and go somewhere warm
• Exercise Curl up under blankets on the couch with a dog on either side of me

You might wonder why I don't just turn our heat on?? Well, I'm not going to be the first one to cave. I'll just wear more clothes till BTK decides he can't stand it anymore. Survival of the fittest in this household!

Turns Out...

Turns out that the BEST time to tell your doctor you don't want an I.V., constant heart monitor, cervical checks, episiotomy, or his hands anywhere near the cave in which your baby has been hibernating for the past 40 weeks is when he is in the middle of "delivering" three different babies up in the hospital and one is breech.

If you catch him in the middle of all of that comotion...where he only really has like 3 minutes to complete your exam (where he will tell you that you are dilated to a ONE)...than he will likely not have time to tell you of all the risks and inconveniences of your preferences to birth naturally.

It was that easy :)

"Just type it all up and bring it in next visit and I'll put it in your file", he says.

And so we shall.

In other news: BTK and I forgot to call his mom yesterday on her BIRTHDAY...
It was about 5am this morning when I remembered. I was on the couch and I kinda woke up to that thought and so I called into bedroom to BTK and said, "Hey BTK, you know what yesterday was?!"
And he called back, "garbage and recycling?"
...and I said, "no...it was the 15th!"
"My mom's birthday!"
"yeah"...
And with that, we went back to sleep.

I have forgotten many birthdays over the years and though I'm slowly getting better at remembering, I'm sure I'll still forget many more.

We love you Mom C. !!!!!! Happy Birthday :)

Kankles

My feet swallowed my ankles.

And my toes look like little sausages.

'Bout a month to go...

We have a doc's appointment tomorrow where we will tactfully express to him that their "routine" measures during labor don't really fit our ideals :)

Can't wait!!

Speaking of Being Full...

This is getting to be a bit ridiculous.

Being Full

Today was full of feeling and gifts and treasures and deep breaths...

Today felt crisp, new, inspiring, fleeting, comfortable, slow, refreshing, beautiful.

It felt as if I was going about my business, and all around me a show was being performed...by the trees and the sun and the clouds, the shadows and the breeze, the cool temperature, the smells; they all played their part. They were all the "lead" at one point or another.

The performance left me giddy :)

Today, I went here and there, and there and there. I hurried, and took my time. I laughed when I should've been serious. I talked serious matters. I talked light matters. I considered our blessings. I considered we NEED nothing more. Nothing. More. I accomplished. I procrastinated. I wished for what I don't have and can't have. I loved. I envied. I peed all over my hand when trying to make it in the dixie cup. I cleaned up. I saw myself as HUGE. I told myself I am the PERFECT size. I read. I worked. I volunteered. I cooked and ate. I was complimented...twice :)

Today has left me feeling full :)