Dog Fights, Guitars, and Fruit Flies

They are handsome, aren't they?

Well, they aren't so handsome when they are assaulting each other viciously and it ends with one of them bleeding from an eye or a leg or tongue or something. They had three fights in five days last week. And one was in the back seat of the car, which is way too close for comfort. Their fights are very loud with growling and their is a lot of bared teeth and it always ends with Indy's neck in Charlies' mouth and one of 'em bleeding.

BTK and I are failing them when it comes to being pack leaders. We are just not doing it right. And they aren't able to lead a balanced life because of it. I've consulted Cesar on this matter and he says we need to be better pack leaders. Cesar is the Dog Whisperer on National Geographic channel and he is my role model when it comes to taking care of dogs. The dogs are apparently fighting over who is in charge and that is only because they don't know that BTK and I are in charge. We are supposed to have calm-assertive energy and they should then have calm-submissive energy. A calm-assertive state of mind is not easy for someone like me (high anxiety) to achieve. I can get there though, if I really try. Cesar's formula for success as a pack leader is: exercise, discipline, and affection... in that order. I've been taking Charlie for a run every morning before feeding and Indy for a short walk. They need to release their energy and be brought into a calm-submissive state by me, thier pack leader. That means that during the run/walk, they need to be following me, not the other way around. How many times have you seen a dog pulling a person along behind them with the leash taught? Apparently that is the wrong way! We are working on this with our dogs, but it is not easy. It is going to take a lot of patience from BTK and I to make it work.

Their was another fight last night over food and after a discussion with BTK, I decided to go out and purchase the entire second season of Dog Whisperer on DVD. Seriously, this guy is a genius when it comes to dog psychology. He can take 40 dogs on a walk at the same time, with most of them off a leash!! I will learn from you, Cesar Milan... dog whisperer genius=) I'll keep you posted!

So, BTK is giving me guitar lessons and it is just great! I do love when he plays for me and I love music and I'd love to just be able to play some of my fave's on the guitar all for myself. I've had two lessons so far and haven't practiced much, but I'm excited at the very thought of getting good at it! I'm currently learning Fugitive by the Indigo Girls. It wasn't my first pick, but BTK says it's really simple to learn. I really like that song, so that is okay. The hardest part is that my fingers start to hurt after only like five minutes. I'm learning on an electric guitar, kinda like that song from Counting Crow's says to do: "just get an electric guitar and take some time, learn how to play".

Don't we all hope that fruit fly season is coming to an end??? I really hate those damned buggers! I swear I was clapping at them (to the death!) for a month straight! Our problem started when we let 24 lime slices rot in the bottom of each of 24 Corona bottles in our basement. It then became a problem in the kitchen as well. Now, I'm not one to let the kitchen go to hell, but it happened when I was on bed rest and it only took two days and they were everywhere... swarms of them, I say! Okay, so their weren't swarms, but there were a lot of 'em. So BTK took the Corona's to the bottle return at the local grocer and smiled and said, "now they have a fruit fly problem"! And we took care of cleaning the kitchen, but they seemed to linger near the produce on the counter, and in the bathroom too. I was killing them for what seemed like an eternity! I think they are gone now, as I haven't seen one in at least a week. For those of you who still have them lingering, I looked up "fruit fly" on the www and found some useful information:

1)When searching for fruit fly breeding sources, remember that the larva can only survive in decaying organic matter that is moist. gross!

2)Do not overlook drains where small flies are often found breeding in the super thin layer or film of debris that naturally accumulates in pipes, traps and drains. we should all be dumping chemicals down our drains regularly to keep that "film" from forming...

3)Fruit flies easily follow air currents and usually have several breeding places in any structure. several breeding places?? eeew!

4)Do not assume that all of your breeding sources are indoors; fruit flies will wander in from nearby dumpsters, outdoor garbage cans or even damp compost piles where fruits and vegetables are disposed. these things are impossible to eliminate!

And I also read that fruit fly's can be found year round, folks... so I guess they aren't going "out of season" like I'd thought... SO, watch out cause they could be coming to a gargabe can near you!!

King Salmon Tail

Mine is on the left. We'll eat it tonight.

I've never been fishing like this before. Salmon fishing out on "the big lake" (that is what we call Lake Michigan so as not to be confused with Lake Mac). Their is a Salmon festival in Grand Haven every year. We had intentions to participate in the festival, but opted for a boat outing instead with friends of Benjamin's (pronounced ben-ha-meen). We headed out to the big lake wearing sweatshirts and sunglasses for protection from both the cool wind and the sun, and had some beverages and laughs while we casually rolled over the three footers. All the while we were heading out, "B" (still not sure if they were calling him that, or "D") was setting the lines at the appropriate depths for salmon and rigging them with contraptions so that they wouldn't cross and get tangled. We had six or seven lines in the water and I think we were moving along at a nice speed of 3mph.

It really was a beautiful day... it was my first time being out on the lake all summer and it reminded me how much I love Lake Michigan. I love it for its' depth and color, for its' calm and expanse, and I love how it can take me to a more peaceful place. It just has a way to relax me. And it is just beautiful.

So, we were out there, on the big lake, chatting it up and having some beverages when, all of a sudden, "B" runs over to one of the lines, grabs it from the canister and yanks really hard! We all sort of scrambled and got excited when he did that, and he was sure there was a fish on the line... so he looks to me quickly and is telling me to take the line and reel it in! I hesitated for a few seconds, but then put my red "Solo" cup of wine down and grabbed it from him while he rattled off to me the simple "how to's" of reeling in a fighter. And he was definitely a fighter! Benjamin said it took me maybe even ten minutes to get him in! I had to let him pull the line out and then pull up on the reel and then reel some in while lowering it, and the butt of the reel was in my lower abdomen for leverage the entire time... it was fabulous! The best part was that while I did that, another fish bit on another line and Benjamin took that one, so we were both reeling in at the same time! I couldn't believe how big the fish looked when I got him close enough to the boat to see him through the blue water... and the sun reflecting off him made him look silvery and shiny! And I was so excited to be "catching" such a HUGE fish! So, once they were netted and in the boat I was looking down at them and I started to feel a little sad and worried for them... it was really bloody cause Benjamin's fish was naughty or something and so their was blood all around it and they were just laying there gasping for water... so I spoke up and said that maybe we should finish them off and kill them so that they are dead, and the rest of 'em just said, "oh, they'll die, don't worry about that", as if that was what I was worried about. No, I was just concerned about their slow death, drowning in our oxygen. But I let it go cause apparently it wasn't a big deal that they were suffering. Plus, I really wasn't sure how exactly I would finish them off... so we just put them in the cooler and that was that. We headed in after that cause Benjamin and I had to get back for an outing later that night.

So, the friends fileted the fish for us and it is in our freezer now and we'll put it in a cooler this morning and head to my hometown to visit the 'rents and share it with them for dinner tonight.

And I really loved the experience and hope we have a chance to do it all over again in the future=) And, btw, salmon have teeth!

Fabulously Frantic Moment

I just had the biggest charge of emotion! How do we even manage to go on, day to day, with all of this stress!

The department head of the Dietetics Program came in to discuss the internship application process with us. I was feeling just fine until she asked to see a show of hands of those who would be applying in February. There are about thirty in the class and I think twenty-seven hands went up. Those that didn't were the prof, the department head, and mine. That is an exaggeration, but almost accurate. So, I started thinking about trying to push my way into the class that apparently has no room for me... and not taking no for an answer. I could tell her that it will push me back an entire year if she doesn't let me in and beg and plead. I'm generally not a desperate person, but I bet I could act the part. So then, what if she lets me in?? That would mean starting four weeks into the semester... isn't the first exam about four weeks in?? It would mean more books and cutting back on work and needing to start applying for internships. I was fine with how things were until about an hour and a half ago. My, how things change. I started thinking about Ben and money and what if we get pregnant again and what if we miscarry again and what if we can't get pregnant again and my time in the car and travel expenses and working at night and all of these things... which were all okay until an hour and a half ago. So then I visited my blog and read jamies comment and it was about worrying about today and not worrying about tomorrow for their are enough troubles today... or something like that and I AM worrying about my troubles today... my troubles today are stressing about tomorrow!!! Ugh! When I read her comment it was like a collision of easy and difficult and they fought for many seconds during which tears came to my eyes and when I realized what was happening (this battle in my head) I took a deep breath and settled myself. And then I had the want, this need to talk to someone... to scream and cry about how difficult it all is for me!

When really, it isn't difficult. It is what it is and I make it difficult. And I exhaust myself thinking about it. And I'm sure I exhaust readers with it. The fact is, I'm in a completely different place than those other students. We have different reasons for being there and different lifestyles and we will all finish at our own rate.

I have a friend who is a grad assistant in the program here. I have emailed her to set up a time to meet. She helps with the class that I'm not in and I'm sure she'd be direct with me on whether or not it is realistic to try to get into that class. She can tell me how far behind I'd be if I started now.

Whatever happens, happens. It'll all be just fine, I'm sure=)

Dreams

Sometimes I get a bit frustrated that at 28 years old, I am still in school and waiting tables. It seems never ending; I sometimes wonder if it was even the right decision. I recently told a friend that the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that in ten years, when I'm finally able to look back on the experience, it probably won't seem like that much time. Looking ahead to the day I am actually an R.D. is what keeps me going. I want to be an expert in the field and the only way to get there is to continue on this path. So, this friend I was talking to said that she believes we should pay closer attention to the journey that takes us there, for although we have an idea of where it is we want to go, it may not be where we are actually going. She suggested that I may want to pay closer attention to what is right in front of me everyday rather than constantly looking forward to where I want to be one day.

I've been thinking a bit about what she said. It makes sense. We all have dreams, places we want to go, titles we want to one day have, but if we are constantly looking far ahead to that "one day", we are going to miss something along the way. I will be an R.D. "one day", but from now on I will try to keep in mind that between now and then, I have a lot of living to do.

Some Lighter Fare

I've started classes once again! That exclamation point is only for you readers; if you'd have heard me say it in person, I wouldn't have sounded so excited. Good news and bad news. The bad news is that I have to go to school, it doesn't come to me. It takes me about one hour and ten minutes from driveway to $300 parking spot. I feel that sitting behind the wheel for five hours a week is a HUGE waste of my time. I used to bring flash cards to study, but I learned the hard way that I am endangering lives other than my own when partaking in such a careless stunt. Another unappealing attribute of the experience is that my husband and I are on completely different schedules. If only I'd have had the foresight to see my dietetics destiny when I was at the tender and unknowing age of 19. Ben and I could now be spending our evenings together taking long walks with the dogs (pronounced "doe-gs") discussing the infinite possibilities of retirement. Instead, I spend my evenings at work or at school while his are splattered with home renovations, friends, beer, and a limited (I'm sure) amount of video games. I ache for the future when we'll be able to spend more time together (in front of the TV, probably). The good news about being back in school is that I bought a brand spankin' new backpack! That exclamation point would apply even in person=) Is this new school bag (which happens to display my school colors, pointed out to me by erin) large enough to house all of my texts at once?? NO, of course not! It is poorly designed and lacking in space for over sized texts. Is it comfortable to wear?? Yes, it is. Do the other kids at school like it?? I don't have a clue! They don't talk to me. I find that age 28 stands out on a college campus like a circus elephant on a horse track. Okay, so it's not that bad. I have a friend and she is nice, but her backpack is way better with a very well known brand name (that I can't think of...) for everyone to see. I bet it holds all of her books too. So, I totally know it is all in my head that I look old to the kids on campus. If anything were to make me stand out, it'd be my lack of fashion. I tend to wear the same clothes, most days. The kids wear all kinds of trends that I wasn't even aware of. It is a great place to people watch. And that happens to be a favorite pastime of mine. BUT, I needn't spend my time people watching when there is so much to learn!

So, although I'm only taking two classes this semester, one of them happens to weigh very heavily on my success as a future R.D. It is called Medical Nutrition Therapy... fascinating!! It will supposedly provide me with the knowledge I need to become a clinical Dietitian. Well, not so much "provide"... I'm sure it'll require a lot of effort by me to succeed=) Best of luck to me.

My Definition

Being faced with this most recent challenge has brought quite a bit of other crap with it. I've found myself questioning who I am and how I am and why I am this way. What defines me? What is my definition? And most importantly, what do I need to change?

I am an early bird, always have been. Always. I bite my cuticles, not my fingernails. When I get worked up, anxious, uncomfortable, it shows itself on my skin in the form of blotchy red/pink marks. I am still embarrassed when it happens. I find mint very refreshing, and delicious when paired with chocolate. I find that watching planes taking off and landing brings me to a nice level of calmness. Rainbows, Lake Michigan, and wine can have that same effect on my mood. I am happiest when my husband shows me affection. I find it difficult to focus when I study. I'm starting to wonder if I'm one of those people who talks a lot about something, starts to pursue it, and then is too afraid to finish it. I truly believe I'm addicted to sugar. I find mediocrity comfortable, but undesirable. I like to run on trails, through wooded areas. I am a complainer. I hold a strong interest in nutrition. I don't make time for reading or writing, though I enjoy them very much. I'm wishy washy (i.e. indecisive). I do not litter. I care about our mother earth. But I don't always pick up trash wherever I see it (that would be a big job). I have a relationship with God, though it could be stronger. I find comfort in cleaning. I like to dance. I am good at cleaning... I mean, really good. I learned everything I know about cleaning from my parents.


I could go on. I won't.


So, a couple of months ago, I started thinking about what I'd want people to say about me once I'm gone. I'd want there to be more substance than what's in the previously stated paragraph, that's for sure. A couple things I'd like to adapt to would be benevolence and graciousness. I'd want my loved ones to remember me as someone who gave, not needed. And I'd want them to also think of me as having a friendly, pleasant disposition, not unpredictable and moody.


What do I need to change? And a bigger question is, can I change? Or, will I change? How many of us really strive to be better people than we were yesterday? I'm not saying that it is possible to make these changes overnight. But it doesn't hurt to start thinking about what defines me and what I'd like to change. When I spend time with other people, I can't help but to notice their most prevailing character traits. This must mean that they notice mine. How could you not notice a person's character while spending time with them? This is what makes and breaks relationships, right? I know it's not that black and white, but you get what I'm saying. So, I ask myself again, who am I?, how am I?, what defines me?, and what do I need to change?

I've Been Challenged

In my last entry, I wrote about making room in my life for anything that comes my way. I make sure everything has a place and is eventually in its' place. I believe that everything happens for a reason and in order to have a place for each of my experiences I've always thought that I need to figure them out, know why they happen, and only then could I make room and know their place in my life. Well, this belief of mine, this "way of life" has recently been challenged. What do you do when you have an experience that can't necessarily be reasoned with and solved? How do I make room for something that I can't sort out? Where do I put it then? How do I accept something that I'm not okay with?

My only answer to that would be patience. That's all I've come up with thus far.

My inspiration for this blog was: one) Jamie... I'll have a link to her awesome blog soon, and two) the fact that we were going to have a baby and I could put pictures and the latest and greatest about "baby Faye" up for everyone to see!

Now, this is where patience comes in. We won't be having this "baby Faye" anymore to write and post pictures of. We have to wait for the time to come again when we can name a little embryo with hopes that one day it'll develop into a beautiful little babe that we can show off to the world as our own. In the meantime, I suppose I'll just write about what's on my mind. Take it or leave it, and feel free to post a comment about what you think about anything in general, really.

As far as this most recent challenge I'm faced with, I'm not okay with it and I don't know where to put it. I don't have a place for it. So I guess I can say that right now, at this very moment in time, everything is not in its place.