I promised an update.
I don't have many details except that I am 9 or 10 weeks along and everything is progressing as it should :) Doc says that my symptoms are all consistent with pregnancy :)
Upon entering and sitting down in our room, BTK and I exchanged grim looks. We were both feeling the dark cloud that hung over us the last time we were there. Feelings of devastation were being stirred up, and we both recognized these feelings.
The doctor finally came in with his student trailing behind. He always has a student with him, which is great cause then there are even more eyes on me and my naked parts. It's not uncomfortable at all ;) No, actually, I'm used to it and I think it's really great that he spends the time and effort with students. They tag-teamed me for the exam, so it took half the time! I was a little nervous when she did the PAP cause I heard the doc say something about "being gentle" which led me to believe she had never done this procedure before. But she did great work and I was awful proud of her for doing such a great job!!
I think both BTK and I felt better by the end of the exam. The doc is letting us come in a little early to hear the heartbeat... May 16th! We are both really looking forward to this. I think it'll be a huge relief for us. Although, the doc says that we are really never in the clear and anything can happen. Yes, thank you doctor for pointing that out. You didn't burst our bubble at all. Thank you.
I'm feeling and looking pregnant. Well, probably not "looking" pregnant yet, to the everyday observer... but definitely to BTK and I.
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Speaking of BTK, he is in Illinois visiting his Dad's family, namely his grandfather. Grandpa Don is struggling and so some of the family has gathered to spend some time with him. I would be there too, except he has a highly infectious disease that I can't be around because of the new growth in my belly. But I am with him in spirit and am praying for his Grandpa and the family. And I'm asking for your prayers too. We all know what it feels like to deal with a loved one who is not doing well. It doesn't feel good. It's difficult. It hurts. We have all felt it. Help me send prayers to them so that maybe there is a place for that hurt to go.
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On a brighter note, we were in Livonia for the weekend spending some time with my family. We celebrated my Mom's birthday by going through boxes of old photos and organizing them into designated years. It was fun to see how Asian my youngest sister looked when she was a baby, and to tease that perhaps she was, afterall, adopted :) The other thing that kept coming up were pictures of me, when I was little, with my shirt off. What? Yeah. Me with my shirt off. When I was little. We had a great time! I'm excited to see what my Mom does with the mess we made of the Ping-Pong table. There are hundreds of pictures in piles that she has to do something with. Good luck Mom!
My siblings and I were supposed to exchange Christmas gifts, but I forgot to bring ours. Seriously. Could I maybe have forgotten deodorant instead? Or my toothbrush? Come on! We will all be together again in a few weeks, so no biggie. But seriously. I'm ridiculous.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
First and Foremost...
It's my Momma's birthday, all day long, TODAY!
I won't see her today, but I'll be thinking about her. And I'll call her and tell her I love her. And I'll say a special birthday prayer for her, but only because she deserves it. You see, my mother is an incredible, fabulous woman. She is witty and daring, lovely and caring. She gives and gives, and asks and dotes. When she hugs me, it feels like she's trying to press all of her love into me. She wants for laughter and fun, but would also carry all of your bad feelings for you, if she could. She's creative, influential, and POWERFUL. She doesn't know her strength in these areas, but exudes them just the same. She has a place on this planet that no one else could fill, and I wouldn't have her any other way.
Happy Birthday Mom!
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On a different note, it is also the day that BTK and I will visit the doctor... FINALLY!!
We are ready and looking forward to it and will update!
I won't see her today, but I'll be thinking about her. And I'll call her and tell her I love her. And I'll say a special birthday prayer for her, but only because she deserves it. You see, my mother is an incredible, fabulous woman. She is witty and daring, lovely and caring. She gives and gives, and asks and dotes. When she hugs me, it feels like she's trying to press all of her love into me. She wants for laughter and fun, but would also carry all of your bad feelings for you, if she could. She's creative, influential, and POWERFUL. She doesn't know her strength in these areas, but exudes them just the same. She has a place on this planet that no one else could fill, and I wouldn't have her any other way.
Happy Birthday Mom!
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On a different note, it is also the day that BTK and I will visit the doctor... FINALLY!!
We are ready and looking forward to it and will update!
Thursday, April 10, 2008
I have classes next week and then finals the week after, which means in approximately two weeks... I might actually be able to breathe!! And I'm lookin' damned forward to it!
Oooh, and in less than two weeks, on my mothers birthday, I'll finally be visiting the doctor! And I can ask him if it is alright to be exposed to microorganisms that cause infectious diseases, during my pregnancy. This is because I'll be enrolling in a class this fall that will expose me to such things as: pathogenic bacteria, causing diseases such as plague, tuberculosis and anthrax; protozoa, causing diseases such as malaria, sleeping sickness and toxoplasmosis; and also fungi causing diseases such as ringworm, candidiasis or histoplasmosis. I'd hate to catch something in lab and get all sickly when I'm supposed to be staying healthy for the lil' babe.
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In other news, BTK has finally rid himself of the possibility of ever having to drive the gem that was my very first car. I drove it for almost 11 years!! I named it PUBA way back in the day, during a time when hip-hop music flooded my ears along with influences of my young, smart-ass friends. That car and I have been through so much! It took me to concerts, colleges, weekends away and road trips. Not to mention the car accidents, the get-aways, and the cops. I have all kinds of memories with that car. Unfortunately for BTK, it's been on its' "last leg" the past couple of years and he's been the one to drive it. I never understood why he didn't love the loud drive, the blown speakers, the leaks when it rained, the smell from the mold... I found these things endearing, but I know he's been counting the days till he wouldn't have to fold his 6'2" self into that junky, teal Escort anymore. And the day came. A friend of ours decided to sell her Jeep, and BTK decided it would be his. The Escort has been sitting in the driveway since, and our neighbor visited us and asked if we'd be selling it. We were actually planning on donating it, since the condition of the car was so poor, but this neighbor explained his situation and in the end, BTK and I decided to just give him the car. We rounded up the paperwork and BTK drove it across the street to this guy and I stayed home to prepare dinner. When BTK returned, I was at the sink with my back to him and he said, "He wouldn't let me leave without giving me something". And I heard him set something down on the counter. I turned around to see a Nas.car.crock.pot. along with a handy carrying case and this smile on BTK's face that said, "oh, you are gonna love this!". And by love, I mean "make my skin crawl".
I couldn't believe it! So many memories, and what came of it??? A Nascar crockpot!
We traded my love of 11 years... straight-up... for a Nascar crockpot.
BTK says he can't wait to make chili in it. Seriously.
So now my very first car, in all its' glory, sits across the street with new Nascar window decals and I have a new Crockpot, featuring the King :)
Oooh, and in less than two weeks, on my mothers birthday, I'll finally be visiting the doctor! And I can ask him if it is alright to be exposed to microorganisms that cause infectious diseases, during my pregnancy. This is because I'll be enrolling in a class this fall that will expose me to such things as: pathogenic bacteria, causing diseases such as plague, tuberculosis and anthrax; protozoa, causing diseases such as malaria, sleeping sickness and toxoplasmosis; and also fungi causing diseases such as ringworm, candidiasis or histoplasmosis. I'd hate to catch something in lab and get all sickly when I'm supposed to be staying healthy for the lil' babe.
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In other news, BTK has finally rid himself of the possibility of ever having to drive the gem that was my very first car. I drove it for almost 11 years!! I named it PUBA way back in the day, during a time when hip-hop music flooded my ears along with influences of my young, smart-ass friends. That car and I have been through so much! It took me to concerts, colleges, weekends away and road trips. Not to mention the car accidents, the get-aways, and the cops. I have all kinds of memories with that car. Unfortunately for BTK, it's been on its' "last leg" the past couple of years and he's been the one to drive it. I never understood why he didn't love the loud drive, the blown speakers, the leaks when it rained, the smell from the mold... I found these things endearing, but I know he's been counting the days till he wouldn't have to fold his 6'2" self into that junky, teal Escort anymore. And the day came. A friend of ours decided to sell her Jeep, and BTK decided it would be his. The Escort has been sitting in the driveway since, and our neighbor visited us and asked if we'd be selling it. We were actually planning on donating it, since the condition of the car was so poor, but this neighbor explained his situation and in the end, BTK and I decided to just give him the car. We rounded up the paperwork and BTK drove it across the street to this guy and I stayed home to prepare dinner. When BTK returned, I was at the sink with my back to him and he said, "He wouldn't let me leave without giving me something". And I heard him set something down on the counter. I turned around to see a Nas.car.crock.pot. along with a handy carrying case and this smile on BTK's face that said, "oh, you are gonna love this!". And by love, I mean "make my skin crawl".
I couldn't believe it! So many memories, and what came of it??? A Nascar crockpot!
We traded my love of 11 years... straight-up... for a Nascar crockpot.
BTK says he can't wait to make chili in it. Seriously.
So now my very first car, in all its' glory, sits across the street with new Nascar window decals and I have a new Crockpot, featuring the King :)
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Yackity-Yak
Last year, pregnancy for me was like sitting upright in an uncomfortable wooden chair. No matter how many times I tried to readjust, I just couldn't settle in for a nice long "sit". I was completely uncomfortable in it and couldn't figure out how to share its' space.
This pregnancy is more like a bean bag, where I feel like I fit more snugly in it but there is still no place to rest my head.
For all you women out there who've gone through it, perhaps you'll agree that pregnancy is bittersweet. I've figured this out in only a matter of weeks! On one hand, it's this awesome wonder to have another life inhabit your own physical space... to have the responsibility to care for it and nurture it and make it grow because God gave you this gift to aide Him in the miracle of life. Every once in a while I try to wrap my brain around that fact, and I can't. I am in complete awe and cannot comprehend why He's given this to me. It's something that I'm not sure I could sort out even if I gave myself a week of silence to ponder. It truly is sweet. On the other hand, it is wearing me down physically and then mentally, everyday, in that order. I am physically uncomfortable with what my body is already doing and with what I know it will do. It is going to change in ways that might make me curse and will probably make me cry. My appetite has been thrown to the dogs. I can't trust it anymore, for it leads me to foods that make me feel sick. I feel like this pregnancy is running ahead and leaving me behind with heartburn, nausea, fatigue, sore breasts, sleepless nights, and an overzealous appetite for Wendy's and pizza. It just doesn't seem fair!
I realize that I am complaining and that at the same time there are women out there who live to conceive and cannot, for whatever reason, and are devastated about it.
I realize that we've been blessed and I'm only embracing bits and pieces at this point.
I also realize that I am, in fact, embracing bits and pieces.
I adore BTK and his utter admiration for what my body is going through for us. I truly am in awe of this miracle and where it will take us in life, especially the joy it will bring. I believe we will have more smiles because of it :)
I love the fact that we just let it happen and here we are now in limbo awaiting someone that will change our lives forever.
Believe me, I want to embrace every aspect and be filled with excitement and happiness everyday because I am pregnant. I just don't think I fit the bill. It is in my character to avoid change, to not allow excitement to overflow, to make room for the what-ifs and the gremlins in life.
At least I am embracing some parts of it now... like the part where I feel like I will probably actually have this baby :) My side effects are so much more pronounced this time 'round and it just makes me feel like "it's for real" this time.
Plus, I'm only human. And a woman. And I really try to put myself out there, even if other people like to pretend they don't ever feel the way that I do. I'm pretty sure we all have gremlins at some point.
I know this pregnancy is going to challenge me in ways nothing else could. I know it's going to make me stronger. I know it's going to give me heartburn. I know that I don't like having heartburn. But I'm sure I'll be shown that, in the end, it's a small price to pay for what will come of it.
This pregnancy is more like a bean bag, where I feel like I fit more snugly in it but there is still no place to rest my head.
For all you women out there who've gone through it, perhaps you'll agree that pregnancy is bittersweet. I've figured this out in only a matter of weeks! On one hand, it's this awesome wonder to have another life inhabit your own physical space... to have the responsibility to care for it and nurture it and make it grow because God gave you this gift to aide Him in the miracle of life. Every once in a while I try to wrap my brain around that fact, and I can't. I am in complete awe and cannot comprehend why He's given this to me. It's something that I'm not sure I could sort out even if I gave myself a week of silence to ponder. It truly is sweet. On the other hand, it is wearing me down physically and then mentally, everyday, in that order. I am physically uncomfortable with what my body is already doing and with what I know it will do. It is going to change in ways that might make me curse and will probably make me cry. My appetite has been thrown to the dogs. I can't trust it anymore, for it leads me to foods that make me feel sick. I feel like this pregnancy is running ahead and leaving me behind with heartburn, nausea, fatigue, sore breasts, sleepless nights, and an overzealous appetite for Wendy's and pizza. It just doesn't seem fair!
I realize that I am complaining and that at the same time there are women out there who live to conceive and cannot, for whatever reason, and are devastated about it.
I realize that we've been blessed and I'm only embracing bits and pieces at this point.
I also realize that I am, in fact, embracing bits and pieces.
I adore BTK and his utter admiration for what my body is going through for us. I truly am in awe of this miracle and where it will take us in life, especially the joy it will bring. I believe we will have more smiles because of it :)
I love the fact that we just let it happen and here we are now in limbo awaiting someone that will change our lives forever.
Believe me, I want to embrace every aspect and be filled with excitement and happiness everyday because I am pregnant. I just don't think I fit the bill. It is in my character to avoid change, to not allow excitement to overflow, to make room for the what-ifs and the gremlins in life.
At least I am embracing some parts of it now... like the part where I feel like I will probably actually have this baby :) My side effects are so much more pronounced this time 'round and it just makes me feel like "it's for real" this time.
Plus, I'm only human. And a woman. And I really try to put myself out there, even if other people like to pretend they don't ever feel the way that I do. I'm pretty sure we all have gremlins at some point.
I know this pregnancy is going to challenge me in ways nothing else could. I know it's going to make me stronger. I know it's going to give me heartburn. I know that I don't like having heartburn. But I'm sure I'll be shown that, in the end, it's a small price to pay for what will come of it.
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