A bit overwhelmed right now...not keeping up with much of anything it seems. Lately, it seems my world...my own ginormous universe...is in a downhill spin. Not downhill in the sense that things are bad and getting worse. More like, picking up speed on the downhill...and spinning a bit along the way.
There is no stopping it now. My life has sped up. It goes faster as you age, ya know. I'm sure some of you have experienced this. Perhaps it happened to you without a notice, without a second glance from you back to where the slow comfortable pace was left by the wayside. Perhaps you adjusted without even realizing there was an adjustment to be made. I'm definitely feeling the adjustment from the slow to the speedy, as if a new gear turned.
And it is overwhelming at times, mostly when the gremlins visit. They are a challenge, to say the least. They make me second guess where I'm at and how I'm doin' at it. And right now, with the quick approach of a new life taking its' first breath and being handed to me, the gremlins are making me question if I'm ready. Have I mentally and emotionally prepared myself for this? What if I can't breathe through the labor? Will BTK and I ever be the same, or will our relationship be completely different? Will we be able to handle the stress, the challenges that are to come? Am I patient enough? What if I'm not strong enough and I fall to pieces at some point?
And then some.
So, yeah, overwhelmed and stuff.
But the gremlins come, and then they go. They go because I'm mostly able to talk my way away from them. The fact is, I am good enough. I'm as ready as I'll ever be. BTK and I have love on our side and one challenge will not make or break us. The adventure we are on is exciting! Life is full of stressors, but I am strong enough and aware enough and I am learning to handle them. And if and when I do fall to pieces, I have people who love me who will help me back on my feet.
The baby is huge and I am huge...
We had our baby shower and our baby's wardrobe is officially bigger than mine :)
I have only three shifts left at work and then I'm done! (for a while anyways)
I still have six more weeks before the expected date...which is quite a bit of time to continue to "prepare" and ready ourselves.
I have God on my side :)
And then some.
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The time-speeding-up-thing is a little freaky. I find myself saying "...just the other day..." and realize later that "the other day" was actually five years ago (or longer). It is VERY weird.
You sound like you're right where you should be. I think people who don't question their fitness or ability to do something as momentous as raising a child really AREN'T ready, because they have no idea how important turning out a competent human being is. YOU, little mama, are ready.
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