Side effects may include: fatigue, interrupted sleep, constipation, sore breasts, lowered exercise tolerance, nausea, crying, weight gain, more trips to the bathroom, a baby in nine months, and increased affection from husband.
We are gonna try this again. I'm probably only four or five weeks along. We celebrated by going out to our new fave breakfast place. We sat down next to each other and just stared ahead, silently pondering the page that turned just that morning. Then we agreed that we would approach the pregnancy differently than the last one. We would take it one day at a time instead of thinking ahead to the next 18 years. We really freaked ourselves out with the last one.
BTK is carrying the torch of elation, readiness, joy, and confidence for both of us. I know he has some thoughts of worry and what-if's, but for the most part, he is just "so ready for this". The man has been through hell and high water and I praise God for the place he has finally found himself in. It's a really pleasant place and I am blessed to be so near him each day.
I am more of a melting pot of emotions, which shouldn't surprise anyone. I have a hard time believing in the reality that this one doesn't have to end like the last one. It's all I know at this point. I keep going back to this one thought, this one idea, that saves me and gets me all happy and gives me something to look forward to. It's simply a vision, a snapshot, of the three of us walking downtown... BTK and I on either side, holding a little mini hand and lifting and swinging this little being that is ours to mold and influence. I have two pieces of gold at this point: one is that fleeting, saving thought and the other is BTK and his affection. Otherwise, it is difficult so early on not to have anxiety about another miscarriage. I've been praying to God that I can handle this pregnancy if He just gives me the chance. I swear I can do it. The other thing that is difficult right now are the "Congratulations", because I know they are met with an unemotional face. I face that might give the wrong impression. By the way some people react, you'd think they are the ones with the growing embryo.
BTK and I have talked at length about this and the answer is to take it one day at a time. To try not to look ahead yet, and to try not to look behind, but to just live in each day with the realization that we've been given the chance, once again, to aide God in the little miracle of life. To embrace it and each other and to hold on tight to God's outstretched hand, cause sometimes that is really all you have.
My doc's appt isn't until later in April, for those of you wanting more of a clinial update... so hang on tight and I'll be sure to bring more details then.
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8 comments:
Congrats again, Rene' (and BTK!). We are thrilled for you. Your attitude, trust and love for each other are all awesome!
Very beautifully written. Thank you for being so transparent...
You are loved. XO
You are truly blessed and you are in my thoughts and prayers, sis. Thanks for sharing your words...they are beautiful.
Love Amy
I have such chills reading your post. You are going to be such a wonderful mom...and I mean that with all of my heart. Your child is going to be so lucky to grow up in a home with a mom and dad who love him/her so much. I also think the little bundle is lucky because it will be a home filled with laughter and plenty of fun (because you are the funniest girl I know!). Congrats to both of you!
Marci
Yours is the happiest comment left on my blog today, so I had to race over here to yell FINGERS CROSSED and HURRAY! at you. You will be on tenterhooks until you pass the date when you lost the first.
I'm honestly not here for self-blog-promotion, but at the bottom of my post about my daughter's birthday, I linked to last year's post commemorating her birthday, which is my personal favorite post I've written. I don't know if you looked at it, but it's about miscarriage.
Anyhow, back to YOU, YOU, and YOU. This is glorious news, sweet woman.
Oh, Rak - I so understand your mixed emotions. From the time I was 20 to the time I was 32, I had five miscarriages. Mostly stress-induced apparently. However, the ghosts of those pregnancies followed me all the way through to my son's birth day. It was a perfect pregnancy with a very healthy, robust little boy at the end of it. He is my miracle when I'd given up the idea of ever having kids. You just never know.
I hope this is your miracle. Embrace it everyday and when you're ready, look forward but never back.
(Thanks for visiting me today!)
We are very happy for both of you. You are, and have been on my prayer list. I understand how nervous you both might be but don't let it get in the way of how special this time in your lives are. Enjoy it and Dad and I can't wait for December!!
Love,
Mom xoxoxox
Ok, NM .. now I see how far along you are. The best thing to do is take it one day at a time...every single day of my first trimester I worried... I prayed for God to give me a peace and just let me enjoy this as much as I can. It did get a little better after the first trimester. The symptoms were really bad during the first trimester, esp weeks 8-12.. I was extremely sick.. I mean VERY sick..but the second trimester was awesome and I had lots of energy and happiness. I am now just starting the third trimester and we will have to see what it holds...but you just do the best you can! I could go on and on about pregnancy but I think I have written enough here!
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