It is a new week and I feel so trapped. Do you ever get that feeling that you just want to get up and out and away? That you are so wrapped up in everything around you, that you can't find yourself anymore? I feel like I'm at the bottom of a huge pile of responsibilities... my dogs, my schoolwork, my job, my husband, my home, my friends, my family... and only if I can break through that huge heap on top of me will I be able to see my wants and desires and cater to them and nurture them and feed them. That is what I want. I want to feed and nurture my needs. I don't pay enough attention to them. They are on the back burner and I just can't cook off enough of everything else to get to them.

I'm lost in the shuffle. I can't find me. I'm here and I'm performing, and no one seems to be complaining, except me.

I'm not mad or upset or feeling down because of this. It's just frustrating from time to time when I realize all of this, again. It is something that keeps coming up for me. I imagine that one day I'll be the type of person who radiates positive energy. That one day, when I've broken through society's mold, I'll actually love each new day because I trust myself enough to walk through it with me in mind.

Don't get me wrong, I have really great days and some not so great days... but that just isn't good enough anymore. I want really great days most of the time... and it just isn't that way right now. BTK would be the first to tell you that I carry tense stress with me all day, most days.

I could go on and on and on, but I won't. There are millions of ways to say that I don't take good enough care of everything that is me.

You get the idea.... and I'm workin' on it.

And God?? If you can hear me.... It would help if you could get the sun to freakin' shine!

I'm off to carry on with my Monday. It's gonna be easy. I'm gonna spend it in one of my fave places... LemonJellos.