I am sitting here with about ten minutes to kill before heading upstairs to the filthy classroom that is my learning haven here at WMU.
Let's see what I can spit out in that amount of time.
How 'bout this: I'd love to pay someone $1 an hour to follow me about and listen to the words that come out of my mouth and whenever I say something even remotely absurd to someone else that requires a tow line into my mouth to pull out my foot, they can do just that and then give me a good slap (or spanking, cause I like those)... no a slap cause it would have to be punishment for the throw up that is comments that come from my brain and escape without me being able to grab them first and disect them to be sure that they can't be taken the wrong way or aren't insulting to the person that I'm spewing them at.
Did you get all that?
Let me recap: You: $1 an hour to velcro yourself to me all day...
Me: I say something stupid/insulting/can be taken the wrong way...
You: Give me quick slap on cheek (any one), and then immediate tow line
to pull foot out of mouth!
See, I just think I've been saying way too much without thinking about it lately. That can get a person into a lot of trouble in the long run. I need to extinguish the behavior before it gets worse. I think it has to do with my Mean Factor. Do you have one of those? Lately, I've just been more blunt and mean, if you will. My Mean Factor, I do believe, is getting worse in my older age. You know how some really old people, like 95 and up, say whatever is on their mind without consideration of much of anything and they end up insulting 99% of people in the room? Well, I'm getting older and though I'm not saying everything that comes to mind... I am starting to say things that I'm not thinking about before I say them. I used to be a very considerate person, with patience and understanding. Well, not no more, people! I have this Mean Factor that is creeping up on me. I still consider myself an understanding person... but my consideration has started to take flight on me... perhaps going south for the winter months. I've gotta convince it to stay or I'm going to start losing friends!
That is all the time I have.
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6 comments:
You've been hanging around me too long. We are plagued by the same curse. It is a gift at times, but most of the time a curse. I am a work in progress.
Hey, I'd be up for it, but could we negotiate $2/hour?
I mean, you do sound like a handful and all.
Maybe, in your free time, you should ask one of your professors about run-on sentences.
Jamie: we don't hang out enough! and i am only finding that my Mean Factor is a negative trait:)
Jocelyn: i am a handful... and i don't negotiate:)
colleen: alls i can remember my prof telling me about run-ons is that they need to be really long...
The fact that you have some self awareness of your tactlessness kind of cancels out the mean. I hope that makes you feel better. I personally give you the thumbs up to carry on talking smack as long as nobody ends up crying over your abrasiveness.
You are kind of young to be a curmudgeon but we've all gotta start sometime. By the time you're actually old you'll be really good at it.
that's only $8 for an 8 hour day!
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