Do You Think She Can See It Coming?

I think I might break up with Sugar. The relationship has gotten so unhealthy. We used to have a great time... only hooking up on special occasions, and she is always so sweet to me during my down times. She is my shoulder to cry on and always provides that sweet relief from my bad day. She can lift my spirits so quick and I can count on her anytime, anywhere.

But I have started noticing a pattern. She gets me feeling all good inside for a short time, but then it's all downhill and she makes me feel really bad. I enjoy her company for some minutes, but after too much of her I just get so physically exhausted that I crash and burn. She has literally started putting me to sleep. I used to find her so comforting, but now I'm afraid every time she is around. I'm afraid I won't be able to resisit her sweetness, her comfort, her all-consuming lure. I find her very desirable.

It has become a love/hate relationship with her. I love how she makes me feel when I'm stressed and need a quick pick me up, but that is all it is and then she's gone and although I can still feel her lurking I hate that emptiness she leaves me with. And especially when she is being so superficial and shallow... "artificial", if you will. It's like she's not even herself sometimes and those times are the worst.

Not to mention, I think she's cheating on me. I've heard her talking, and others talking, and I think she is "using" them too. She only comes around when it is convenient for her, when I am at a low. She knows my weakness.

It has just become so unhealthy to have her around. She makes it impossible for me to form a healthy relationship with any others.

So I might break up with her... and that is a big "Might".

Or I might tell her that we can only see each other under certain conditions. I don't want to see her when she is being artificial. I want her to be able to feel natural around me... I can handle her then.

I haven't decided yet if I will completely end it with her or not. We have such a history together, so many memories. We've been together for so long...

That's the part that makes it so difficult. I wouldn't know where else to turn if she wasn't there.

Kinda sad really.