I'm gonna take a break here for a while.  Not sure how long I'll be gone...but I WILL be back :)

Go To Sleep, Sweet Baby

I came across a poem in blogland and I loved this tiny piece of it:  

the burden of drawing you near
to lull you to sleep
is truly, more honestly
the gift you bestow me
my audacity to think otherwise
leaves me reticent

How beautiful.  It does feel burdensome at times...the lulling to sleep...whether it be day or night.  But what a beautiful task it is.  And how blessed I am to have been given the gift of such a sweet boy to do it for.  

No, I didn't have another child.  

But Kep and I did babysit the other day.  

Funny, they both like to be held...at the same time.

We survived.  

But I have a new respect for all you moms out there with more than one child :)

there is only ONE way to carry the laundry AND the babe up the stairs.

Impossible!

I used to have a number of different titles...Student, Server, Potential Dietitian, Researcher, Wife, Writer, Volunteer, Reader, Runner, Pack Leader, Lover, Toilet Scrubber, Errand Runner, Dreamer, Su Doku Solver, Landscaper, Dancer, Wellness Seeker, Fridge Filler, Dinner Party Hostess, Coffee Shop Frequenter, Friendly Neighbor, Best Damned Housekeeper Ever, Wine Drinker, and sometimes I even called myself a Friend. But now I'm Mom, and all those other titles are either MIA or barely hangin' on. But they all linger in my memory and lately it's as if they've formed an alliance in the shape of an anvil and they are bearing down on my very being. I'm trapped underneath, writhing, and I want to shout, "I'm a Mom now, so BACK OFF...can't you see I have more important fish to fry!!" Incidentally, I don't think fish should ever be fried.

So yeah, pressure. You wouldn't believe the pressure. I feel like I'm so behind and I'll never get to all those other things that used to grossly devour my attention. I want them back. I want to make some room, but I'm having trouble finding it.

The bright side? Is there one? Yes, absolutely. The bright side of this is that while I'm writhing underneath that anvil of lost priorities, I'm simultaneously protecting our precious babe. He's such a wonder. And so incredibly sweet. And now, my first priority. You might even say, the way things have been going, my only priority.

I just need to figure out how to break up that anvil into manageable pieces so that I can slowly begin to reclaim those parts of me that help to make me ME.

I'm looking into going back to school this fall. The classes are full, but I might be able to wiggle my way in. But it's not that easy. See, I want to be a student...but not while I'm a mom. And I want to be a mom, but not while being a student. Trouble is, now that I'm a mom EVERYTHING I do will be simultaneous to Mothering. I just can't see it. I don't know HOW.

Kinda makes me want to scream. Or run far away.

Or eat ice cream while watching Arrested Development till I figure it all out :)

The Good Stuff

We've fed Kep some "real food" (cause breastmilk is obviously not real or food) a couple of times. He's had brown rice, banana, and avocado.

It's really messy.

So messy, in fact, that we probably won't do it anymore.

I'll probably just feed him from the boob until he can quietly manuever a spoon without falter :)