A Brown Bag of Thoughts

People need to stop watering their lawns. Just stop. Seriously. It is October 31st in Michigan. It is time to stop looking at the beautiful green on the ground and to start looking up at the magnificent burning leaves. Let your lawns go, people. The sun is no longer in a position to suck the moisture and I do believe that the grass would like to set into its' brown slumber for the cold season of winter. The leaves will blanket the blades until next year when they are thirsty again. So, back off.

I am currently listening to my running music on my ipod (even though I am not running), and right now it is playing My Humps by Black Eyed Peas. She is saying something about starting some "drama" if he touches her lovely lady lumps. Apparently she is going to get him drunk off "this hump". Hmm. Did you know there is a website you can go to in order to find out what they mean by stuff like that? I don't know what that site is... but if I find out, I'll mention it in a post soon.

I also listened to Don't Wait by Dashboard Confessional earlier... such a great song. They sing in that song to "lay your armour down"... quite a significant statement if you think about what it could mean. By "armour" could they mean "baggage"? Don't we all have a little baggage we could stand to lay down somewhere, if even for a little while? Or maybe even have a friend help you carry it? We could all use a little break from our armour from time to time.

By the way, remember when my dog ran into that house cause the owners left their front door WIDE OPEN??? Well, they didn't learn their lesson. We go past that house everyday while we exercise and, most of the time, that front door remains open... with their two dogs sitting outside on the lawn. And the lawn is green and lush and so I would deduce that they too are still watering their lawn. I would also deduce that they have an electric fence in the front. And just as an update: Chuck and I have been rollerblading quite a bit lately (easier for me, harder for him) and it is going just swimmingly:) Very happy about that. He is so concerned with following me that he barely notices the other dogs and squirrels... Near perfect.

Lastly, Sugar and I are officially just "friends". She was getting to be a controlling bitch, and while she is still around, our relationship isn't such that she can control me. And she requested that if anyone asks, it was "mutual".

My "Mean Factor"

I am sitting here with about ten minutes to kill before heading upstairs to the filthy classroom that is my learning haven here at WMU.

Let's see what I can spit out in that amount of time.

How 'bout this: I'd love to pay someone $1 an hour to follow me about and listen to the words that come out of my mouth and whenever I say something even remotely absurd to someone else that requires a tow line into my mouth to pull out my foot, they can do just that and then give me a good slap (or spanking, cause I like those)... no a slap cause it would have to be punishment for the throw up that is comments that come from my brain and escape without me being able to grab them first and disect them to be sure that they can't be taken the wrong way or aren't insulting to the person that I'm spewing them at.

Did you get all that?

Let me recap: You: $1 an hour to velcro yourself to me all day...
Me: I say something stupid/insulting/can be taken the wrong way...
You: Give me quick slap on cheek (any one), and then immediate tow line
to pull foot out of mouth!

See, I just think I've been saying way too much without thinking about it lately. That can get a person into a lot of trouble in the long run. I need to extinguish the behavior before it gets worse. I think it has to do with my Mean Factor. Do you have one of those? Lately, I've just been more blunt and mean, if you will. My Mean Factor, I do believe, is getting worse in my older age. You know how some really old people, like 95 and up, say whatever is on their mind without consideration of much of anything and they end up insulting 99% of people in the room? Well, I'm getting older and though I'm not saying everything that comes to mind... I am starting to say things that I'm not thinking about before I say them. I used to be a very considerate person, with patience and understanding. Well, not no more, people! I have this Mean Factor that is creeping up on me. I still consider myself an understanding person... but my consideration has started to take flight on me... perhaps going south for the winter months. I've gotta convince it to stay or I'm going to start losing friends!

That is all the time I have.

It's Still On My Mind

Sugar and I haven't broken up yet. She is sitting next to me at this very moment in a box of Nilla wafers (yes, she is small enough to fit in the box). She makes me so angry sometimes (now I think I kinda sound like a crazy person). But she really does make me angry and I'll say it loud even if I do sound crazy!! Sugar does not belong in any of the "important to our health" food groups unless it is in her natural form in fruit or something like that. She serves me no purpose other than to give me some quick, convenient satisfaction.

I'll keep y'all updated... cause somethings gotta happen soon.

On a sidenote: I can't stand it when I say that I have to start eating healthier food and cut back on the sugar, and the person I'm talking to says, "oh, you are so skinny! you don't even need to worry about that! you could stand to gain some weight!" ~ Guess what people... I may be thin, but don't call me "skinny", and me eating seven oreos is no better than you eating seven oreos. They are still unhealthy and when I eat them they fill me up for a short time and it is probably keeping me from getting my servings of fruits and veggies. So, next time I say to you that I need to watch what I eat, perhaps ask me what I usually eat throughout the day and then we'll see who is appalled at whose answer!

The sad part of all of this is that I am currently in school to become a Registered Deititian. It would be just horrible if I started gaining loads of pounds when in a few short years I'll be advising people on how to lead healthier lives through their diet. No one wants a 250lb woman claiming to be a "professional" to tell them to quit going through the drive through for breakfast while she is chomping on a steamy hash brown from McDonalds.

So, if I can't be a fat and be a dietitian, and I really want to be a dietitian... than I have to control my cravings for sugar... so that I don't get fat.

It's not about image people, it's about health (and a little about image).

Oh, and I am twenty-eight y.o. and starting to feel the little signs of getting older... including a bit of fat stores accumulating where they haven't before... and it REALLY freaks me out! Cause what's next? wrinkles and grey hair? achy joints? a hunchback? and don't I eventually start to shrink? Aaahhhh!!!

I digress.

Do You Think She Can See It Coming?

I think I might break up with Sugar. The relationship has gotten so unhealthy. We used to have a great time... only hooking up on special occasions, and she is always so sweet to me during my down times. She is my shoulder to cry on and always provides that sweet relief from my bad day. She can lift my spirits so quick and I can count on her anytime, anywhere.

But I have started noticing a pattern. She gets me feeling all good inside for a short time, but then it's all downhill and she makes me feel really bad. I enjoy her company for some minutes, but after too much of her I just get so physically exhausted that I crash and burn. She has literally started putting me to sleep. I used to find her so comforting, but now I'm afraid every time she is around. I'm afraid I won't be able to resisit her sweetness, her comfort, her all-consuming lure. I find her very desirable.

It has become a love/hate relationship with her. I love how she makes me feel when I'm stressed and need a quick pick me up, but that is all it is and then she's gone and although I can still feel her lurking I hate that emptiness she leaves me with. And especially when she is being so superficial and shallow... "artificial", if you will. It's like she's not even herself sometimes and those times are the worst.

Not to mention, I think she's cheating on me. I've heard her talking, and others talking, and I think she is "using" them too. She only comes around when it is convenient for her, when I am at a low. She knows my weakness.

It has just become so unhealthy to have her around. She makes it impossible for me to form a healthy relationship with any others.

So I might break up with her... and that is a big "Might".

Or I might tell her that we can only see each other under certain conditions. I don't want to see her when she is being artificial. I want her to be able to feel natural around me... I can handle her then.

I haven't decided yet if I will completely end it with her or not. We have such a history together, so many memories. We've been together for so long...

That's the part that makes it so difficult. I wouldn't know where else to turn if she wasn't there.

Kinda sad really.

Blog Action Day

We are all supposed to blog about the environment today. Being one who plays by the rules, that is what I shall do.

I remember when I was in high school, I would throw stuff out the window when in a certain friends car. And then, when in another certain friends car, we NEVER threw stuff out the window. One friend was "pro-litter" and the other friend was most certainly "anti-litter". I'm sure the one is still anti-litter, but I wonder if the other still throws stuff out the car window. What a horrible thing to do. I am ashamed that I was a part of that.

If we eliminated all cigarettes and fast food joints, would there be any rubbish on the ground? I bet cigarette butts make up the largest percentage of litter on our earth. I would put money on it. I would say cigarette butts make up at least 37% of garbage thrown on the ground.

Whenever I'm stopped at a light and the person ahead of me flicks a butt out the window, I'm tempted to get out of my car and pick it up and knock on their window to give back to them what they erroneously "dropped" from their car. Cause I'm sure it is a complete accident, right? And while I'm at it, I should say, "wow! your skin and teeth are really looking great! it must be the carcinogens you love so much! And that smell... is that stale, nasty smell from your cancer sticks?" Or maybe I shouldn't. I hope this email doesn't offend any readers. (or maybe I hope it does)

I believe that we should all have to recycle. It should be the law. OR, they could put a deposit on all recyclable containers for incentive. It's not difficult, people. And it only costs around five dollars a month through your waste service. We pay three dollars a month. I feel good about the fact that we recycle, and I think we are better for it:)

But we could do better. Such as buying a more fuel efficient car. And riding a bike to work. And not using our air/heat when we really don't need to.

We could all be nicer to Mother Nature... just think about it:)

Where Does the Time Go??

I can't study at home. Usually I don't even try, but today BTK is not feeling well and so he is laid up on the couch sleeping which gives me ample quiet time in which to learn something. I parked myself at the dining room table and I'm a couple of hours into the "ample quiet time" and I haven't learned much. But I have eaten some trail mix and what feels like a million Pringles. And Pringles are not a "feel good" food. So, I haven't any noisy distractions but I still can't seem to get anything done. Do you know what I've found very useful in order to accomplish something during study time? I've found that I need a warm body. Yep, a breathing person sitting across from me to keep my head in the book. But I don't have that today. No warm body with me. Only my own. Which has chosen to sit in front of the computer and blog instead of study the notebook in front of her.

Such a sad state of affairs.

If I could, I would pay someone $1 an hour to sit with me and every time I lift my head from reading or my eyes start to glaze over from entering into the large void that is my wandering mind, they would snap at me to "quit messin' around" and "get some shit done!".

Yes, I think that would do it.

Or, I could just leave the house and go to the library or coffee shop where there are people close enough that I won't want to just sit and stare off into space... cause that is just embarrassing when you are staring off into space and you realize a complete stranger is looking at you knowing that you aren't doing what you came to do.

I have an hour before I must leave for work. Time to get some shit done.

Making Strides

Two days ago (Friday):
Indy, Charlie and I were on a walk. I really thought I could handle the two of them at once. The goal is to have both dogs behind me, walking at whatever pace I walk at. If I'm running, they run. If I stop suddenly, they should stop as well. They should always be paying attention to me and following my every step. Well, this particular walk on Friday was a struggle. Though Indy did fairly well, Charlie was focused on everything around him EXCEPT me. He lunged at squirrels, other dogs, and even falling leaves! I couldn't get him under my control, not even for a second.


We were nearing home when I stopped to adjust Charlies collar. At that second, he must've saw something and he took off and I couldn't react fast enough to grab the leash... he was headed toward another dog sitting out front of a house.... Charlie ran to the dog and sniffed him, then past the dog and past the bushes, up onto the porch and alas! INTO THE HOUSE!!!!!! Yes, folks... these people had left their front door WIDE OPEN and my dog was IN THEIR HOUSE!! Okay, so Cesar says to stay calm... seriously. So, I was calling Charlie, and I'm thinking to myself, "he barely even payed attention to me on the walk"??! So now I'm YELLING for Charlie to COME, which is a command he knows very well and I'm heading up towards the house and then I'm on the porch with Indy at my side and I'm YELLING into this house for my dog. And my dog is RACING around inside their house sniffing around and I see they have TWO dogs... and still I see NO HUMANS! So it is me and three dogs, two of which are mine and only one of which I have control. My instincts kicked in and I decided to hurry away from the house and call to Charlie kind of excitedly, like, "let's go charlie! come on buddy!"... and he came bolting out of the house and I grabbed him just in time!!! So we kept on walking and we were about two houses away when I looked back and saw a man on that porch looking down the street at us waving and apologizing. It was apparent to me that he'd been in the shower cause he wasn't wearing a shirt and his hair appeared wet. I mean, come on people! Could you please not leave your front door agape when you shower... especially if you have dogs???!!!

This morning (Sunday):
I walked the dogs separately this morning while BTK made pancakes with apple cinnamon topping for breakfast. I walked Indy first. He did alright. He likes to push it a little and seemed to only be half paying attention to me and the pace I was going. It was okay, but he needs work. Then I took Chuck and he was near perfect this morning!! When I ran, he ran and when I stopped, he stopped! He was watching my every move and staying behind me the entire way... it was great! And no tension on the leash... I only had to correct him once when he saw squirrels, but the correction was quick and he was back on track=)

So, they are doing better. I have high hopes for these dogs. I just want them to get along. Their is still growling from Indy toward Chuck from time to time. Not sure where it is coming from, but we are working on correcting it.

We are making small strides. Things will get better.

I Need the Drugs Tonight.

Just returned from work where my fellew employees were mocking me because I sound like a man. My voice happens to be rather raspy because of a nasty cold I've been fighting, and apparently it is very noticable. Hopefully the patrons, who I served dinner to, didn't notice. Thier can't be much worse than a woman with a nasty cold serving you food to consume. Really though, at this point I am getting over it and it just so happens that I still sound horrible even though I feel okay. If any of the patrons were to ask, my story went something like this, "oh, you wouldn't even believe the screaming I did last night while watching my favorite band perform LIVE in G.R.!! Yeah, sorry about the voice, but it was well worth it to be front row!" I'm not much for lying, but I wouldn't want them to think I was coughing all over thier food either. Or sneezing on it, for that matter (which I wasn't... for the record).

And it was worth it... I made $52 in 2.5 hours. It was a slow night in 84ville.

I was home before 7:30pm and was able to eat dinner (ice cream and popcorn) and still do some studying and blogging before turning in for a restless night of sleep. Should I not presume that it will be restless?? Hasn't every night since I've been sick been restless?? Why yes, it has. So then, why should I expect tonight to be any different? Well, as a matter of fact, I think it might be different because I will be taking some Tylenol PM before I lay my head down on my freshly laundered pillow. I've only taken Tylenol PM once before, but it was one of the most restful nights of sleep I've ever had. I expect that stuff can be addicting, seeing as how it made me so fulfilled once before. That is why I haven't taken it since! But I need something tonight, and so I will succumb to its' pleasurable toxicity.

And hopefully I will awake refreshed and feeling better! Good night=)