I'm listening to the acoustics of the crickets and the cicadas...definitely the sounds that help deliver the feelings of a humid summer. Except it's not really that humid. But it sounds humid.

And inside, the hum of my computer and the dim lamp in the corner are feeding my growing belly of thoughts.

And then there is that wierd noise the fridge is making from time to time. It's kind of startling, with the rest of the house asleep.

It's past midnight and I'm just home from work about an hour ago. I don't want to go to bed because Kep is in there with Ben and I just want him to sleep. He'll surely wake up if I turn in next to him. So, my sleep is sacrificed. No big deal. Par for the course these days :)

Plus, I really enjoy these nights after work. It is quiet. I am mostly alone. I can sit and catch up on my blogs, uninterrupted. I can read, mindlessly. I can get inspired, motivated, reassured. I can start my own blog entries and not post them :)

And then, when I am good and ready to turn in, I can choose an empty bed...in a room not my own...and pray a prayer that I get a stretch of sleep that lasts more than 3 hours.

Cause that, too, is a new mothers dream :)

I'm this way...

I am tired...and wondering where I'm supposed to "clock out" when I want to take my lunch break...

So many times I've come here to write and so many times I've left without writing.  I am here again.  I shall write.

I'm in a bit of a fog.  A stop and go, if you will.  I've heard the reference a couple of times recently of "being stuck in your own head".  I do believe I am.  It's not all bad.  I'm stuck in here, mostly, but I'm learning to navigate...learning to open the window once in a while and peer out at the world.  Learning that there is indeed a world to peer out and look at.  And it's not all bad either.

Keplar is doing well.  So strong...and brave...and still so stinkin' cute.  He saves my life nearly every day with his multitude of smiles.  I can't get enough.  Really.  I can't.  He gives me a thousand things to be thankful for, a million times over.  Really.  He does.

He goes SMACK, SMACK with those palms on the wood floor as he moves about on all fours.  Then he lets out an excited shriek from deep within his chambers and pushes himself back and sits.  He looks around and finds me and then he's off again with the SMACK, SMACK.  

His hair is just perfect and his skin is the softest gift and his eyes pull me toward him.  I can't help but grab him and squeeze him and love him over and over again, all day long. 

Yes, my days are still filled with only Keplar.  He is still my dictator.  I am still in awe of his very existence.  :) 

I'm gonna take a break here for a while.  Not sure how long I'll be gone...but I WILL be back :)

Go To Sleep, Sweet Baby

I came across a poem in blogland and I loved this tiny piece of it:  

the burden of drawing you near
to lull you to sleep
is truly, more honestly
the gift you bestow me
my audacity to think otherwise
leaves me reticent

How beautiful.  It does feel burdensome at times...the lulling to sleep...whether it be day or night.  But what a beautiful task it is.  And how blessed I am to have been given the gift of such a sweet boy to do it for.